Posts Tagged ‘fabio capello’

100 words and counting

April 6, 2011

the crystals

Hola. Hope you are well.

So Wayne Rooney eh, what a f*cking c*ck. In my opinion there’s never any excuse for swearing.  In all seriousness it’s a shame that he decided to use his time in the spotlight to scream obscenities to the watching world. Surely he could have used his opportunity more productively, maybe commenting on the situation in Libya, or which voting system he prefers AV orfirst past the post. Perhaps he’s holding back his thoughts on these matters for the next time he scores a hat-trick.

Since my last blog post, England beat the mighty Wales. One person who must have been pleased by that game must have been Frank Lampard. Mainly because before the match, there was A LOT of speculation that he would be dropped for the game. With Gerrard already out of the game through injury, newspapers were even printing the last England team sheet that contained neither Gerrard and Lampard. In the end, Lampard started the game and scored the first goal, so all that speculation was rendered pointless.

Prior to the Wales game Fabio Capello was getting a fair bit of stick, as per usual, this time for his handling of the England captaincy. Personally, I’m not fussed who the England captain is, it’s not as if  whoever it is, is going to have to worry about lifting any major trophies, but the media seemed slightly obsessed by the whole topic.

Some people blamed Fabio’s poor grasp of English for the communication problems. He then added fuel to those flames by saying he only knows 100 English words and that is enough. A lot of the Fabio haters jumped on this, but I’m with Fabio on this one. I think 100 words is more than plenty for him to communicate his thoughts to his players. After all what things does he need to say to his players. There’s tactical stuff like, ‘ball’, ‘goal’, ‘score’ and then there’s the code of conduct, things like, ‘Drink less’, ‘Don’t bring a gun to training’ and ‘Don’t screw other player’s girlfriends’. Feel free to let me know what other English phrases Fabio needs, you can comment via the comments button.

I also think the media are focussing on Fabio’s lack of communication because a lot of them won’t rest until Harry Redknapp is the England manager. In this modern football world, where players from all around the world play in the same team, I imagine there’s plenty of language barriers. I can’t imagine Kenny Dalglish and Luis Suarez have long, intricate conversations, but this didn’t stop the latter being Liverpool’s best player in March.

And Finally…The big football story here in London, if you believe the Metro newspaper, is that the Cheerleaders of Crystal Palace, ‘The Crystals’ have come in for stick, not for their communication skills, but for being a negative influence. Some people have suggested that their presence is distracting the players. I for one. can’t believe highly professional players would get distracted by young women, wearing next to nothing. One of the things I found interesting in the article, was that it said these girls didn’t get paid for their work. This did make me wonder why you would parade around in next to nothing on in front of 15000 football fans, if you weren’t getting paid. Feel free to contact me if you’re a cheerleader and don’t get paid.

Til next time, stay safe!

You can’t win them all

December 7, 2010

prince william, david cameron, david beckham

Hola. Hope you are well.

On my last post I mentioned, I was going to Italy (for a friend’s wedding). Well I’m back safe and well and I wasn’t racially abused (see last post), which I consider the minimum requirements of a holiday.

Also since the last post I’ve moved from Manchester to London. Don’t worry I’ve not been head-hunted, but my girlfriend has got a new job. The one good thing about the moving to London is that at last I’ll be free from Man Utd fans.

I’ve already found a pub that might become my football pub. It’s got a few screens, the beer is pretty cheap but it does seem to have an over reliance on rules. One of the signs they have says you have to drink at least 3 drinks during a televised match. I think that’s a little bit wrong, after all if I wanted to be dictated to about how much I drink, I would be married by now. So far I’ve only had 2 drinks on the two occasions I’ve been in there. One the second time I only got there for the second-half, thanks to hot-pot taking longer to cook than I expected. And on the other occasion I was watching a Europa cup game, which isn’t really a proper game, so I think I was justified in not following the rules. The ironic thing about the sign is that it’s next to a poster encouraging sensible drinking.

Now onto our bid to host the 2018 World Cup. If for some reason you’ve not heard, we didn’t get it. In fact we failed spectacularly, registering just 2 votes and going out in the first round. I imagine Fabio Capello took some pleasure in the fact that another England World cup bid did worse than the one he was involved in.

The question that has been asked frequently since the announcement was, where did our bid go wrong? I would have thought it might have had something to do with the fact that we told anyone and everyone who would listen that the organisation making the decision were corrupt. Panorama even put out a programme saying as much, a few days before the announcement. I didn’t watch it but I did hear the majority of the allegations stem back  to the 1990’s. To me that seems like a long time ago, in fact it’s such a long time ago that back then I was young and had hope. It does beg the question what is Panorama’s next programme about, who’s better Blur or Oasis? (oasis for me)

Another reason we were disappointed by the result of the bid was because we felt our team of David Cameron, Prince William and David Beckham would sway the delegates to vote for us. We are led to believe that some of the delegates did say they would vote for our bid and then subsequently didn’t. It must be especially hard for David Cameron to deal with people who say one thing and then they do the complete opposite.

And Finally… One of the reasons we felt we had the best bid was because we already had the stadia and infrastructure. I heard many pundits say  ‘we could hold the World Cup tomorrow’, which was slightly ill-timed as at that point the whole country was at a stand still due to the snow. So maybe they should have clarified the situation and said we could hold the  World Cup as long as there’s no snow, when nothing gets done.

Til next week, stay safe!

Never let fact get in the way of a good headline

November 19, 2010

fabio capello

Hola. Hope you are all well.

Let’s start with the Eng/France friendly. Did anyone reading this actually care about this game? I watched the first-half whilst reading ‘Frankie Boyles’ autobiography, My sh!t Life so far’. I didn’t really bother with the second half as it clashed with The Apprentice.

Some parts of the media did seem to take the game seriously, a couple of the tabloids described Fabio Capello as ‘The Prat in the Hat’ even though he was actually wearing a cap. Although every journalist knows you should never let fact get in the way of a good headline. After we had ‘The Wally with the Brolly’ with Steve McClaren, I think England managers need to learn not to attach themselves with any objects that can easily be rhymed with derogatory terms. Let’s hope for his sake that Fabio doesn’t injure his leg before the next England game, requiring him to use a (walking) stick.

My final thought about the game is Steven Gerrard’s injury. Liverpool’s fitness coach Darren Burgess went ballistic after Gerrard suffered a hamstring pull in the 85th min. He blamed Capello for playing Gerrard for so long. I however don’t blame Capello, I blame Steven Gerrard. He should have done what most senior players do before a friendly and that’s pull out with an ‘injury’. Or even if he did turn up and start the game, he could have gone off at half-time with a ‘slight strain’. What he shouldn’t have done under any circumstance in a friendly, is to chase back 20 yards and make a desperate sliding tackle in the 85th minute.

Onto the Panorama programme, that is set to be broadcast four days before the World Cup committee decide who will stage the 2018 World Cup. The programme is thought to show FIFA in a bad light. This is why people think it will ruin our chances of winning the bid. I think the FA and our media should have just kept quiet and we would have got away with it, after all who  watches Panorama?

And Finally… I was interested to learn that Man City’s black Italian striker Mario Balotelli was racially abused during the Italy v Romania game, by his OWN FANS! One banner even read, ‘No to a multi-ethnic national team’. Guess where I’m going next week…. that’s right Italy. Wish me luck!            

Til next time, stay safe!  

Mystic Julian

August 13, 2010

Hola. Hope you are well.

On my last post I invited Premiership football clubs to contact me, so I could prove I could make 100 successful tackles in the upcoming season. It’s been a bit quiet on that front, when I say quiet I mean non-existent. But not to worry I am now holding out for an International call up. The rate the players are retiring, I may just have a chance.

Sun August 8th 2010 was a particularly sad day for English football as both England’s 5th/6th choice keeper Paul Robinson and ginger haired black man, Wes Brown, retired on this day. I thought the Queen should have announced 7 days of mourning on hearing the news. From my understanding, Wes Brown retired because he wants to stay fit for Man Utd, which is fair enough when you consider his injury record. It seems Paul Robinson quit out of spite. Having previously been ‘snubbed’ by Fabio Capello, he waited until he was called up for the Hungary game before announcing his retirement. In relationship terms, it is the classic, person gets dumped, then they spend all their time and effort getting back with that person, they get back together with the sole intention of dumping the original dumper.

If anyone is unsure as to the score of the Hungary game, England won 2-1. I only mention this because the game got over shadowed by Fabio mentioning in an interview that David Beckham had played his last game for England. The only problem was that it seemed Fabio hadn’t told David first. In relationship terms, this is like getting a friend to tell the person you’re going out with that they are dumped. The only difference is, in this scenario the friend happens to be a national TV station watched by millions and the dumpee is David Beckham.

Talking of relationships, Peter Crouch’s could be in trouble after he was linked with a Spanish teenage prostitute, Monica Mint  (see here). Teenage prostitute that’s  two words you don’t want attached to your name. I imagine when Monica was born, her parents hoped she’d become a doctor, a lawyer or maybe even run the country, little did they know 19 years later she would be described in newspapers around the world as a ‘teenage prostitute’. It was alleged that he paid her over £800 to perform a sex act. £800??? I’m quite clearly in the wrong industry. Although if I was a male prostitute (and I’m not) I wouldn’t get any footballers as clients, because we all know there are no gay footballers. This figure of £800 did make me wonder if she was paying any tax on her earnings, and if so what can she claim back as a legitimate business expense, handcuffs, whips, condoms? It’s small talk like this why I don’t visit prostitutes, that and the girlfriend.

In other relationship/football news Craig Bellamy has said Roberto Mancini has not spoken to him since February. That is some committment to the cause by Roberto. Let me know of any silent treatment stories you’ve been involved in. What’s the longest fall out you’ve had with friends, partners and relatives etc… Feel free to tell us via the comments button.

And Finally… In my attempt to come more famous than an octopus I’ve tried to predict the positions for the upcoming Premiership season. I did this with a highly scientific method, I wrote all the Premiership teams on strips of paper and put in one bowl, and wrote out the numbers 1-20 and put in another bowl. And because I didn’t want to be accused of sabotage I got my girlfriend to pick from the two bowls. (who said romance was dead).

These are the positions the teams will finish in the 2010-11 season :

20) Tottenham

19) Wigan

18) Everton

17) Bolton

16) West Brom

15) Blackpool

14) Arsenal

13) Man City

12) Fulham

11) Birmingham City

10) Aston Villa

9) Wolves

8) Blackburn

7) West Ham

6) Man Utd

5) Chelsea

4) Sunderland

3) Liverpool

2) Newcastle


So according to my predictions Stoke City are going to win the Premiership this season, who would have thought that? Let me know if you think any of the teams will finish in the position they were drawn out in. We will consult this list at the end of the season.

Til next time stay safe!

They think it’s all over… it is now

July 5, 2010


Hola. Hope you are all well. 

Apologies for not posting sooner. I was going to blog before the England/Germany game but I ended up going to London and getting caught up in London ways, including a private members club, a swimming pool and tequila. (read more here

So many things have happened at the World Cup since I last posted, I sincerely hope you’ve not been relying on me to keep you informed. If you have, all you really need to know is that England were knocked out 4-1 by Germany

I’d like to start this post by talking about the news that broke on Friday, that being Fabio Capello will be staying on as England manager despite England’s failings at the World Cup. I’ve heard and read pundits who’ve said that Fabio should have gone, I take a slightly different viewpoint. I not only think that Fabio should have remained as boss, I think he should have asked for a pay rise, maybe putting him on £8m a year. He should have gone into the FA and said, “I underestimated the level of pussies I had to work with, can you sort me out with more money”, or words to this effect. 

Maybe I’m being a little tongue-in-cheek but let’s face it what did people really expect from England at the World Cup? Admittedly it would have been nice if they’d looked as if they’d actually played football before, but we must remember that this bunch of players were the same bunch of players that failed to qualify for the Euros, just 2 years ago. 

There has been some clamour in the media that the way forward is to have an English, England manager. This view has been supported by cheeky chappy cockney manager Harry Redknapp, who also has said that if he was offered the job he would find it hard to turn down. Call me old-fashioned but it does seem like he might have a vested interest in saying this. It’d be like the head of BP saying, “I don’t think oil companies should be responsible for oil spillages, especially ones in the Gulf of Mexico”. 

But unless the mobile phone has properly scrambled my memory hasn’t this group of players (‘the Golden Generation’) worked under an English manager? In fact they’ve worked under all kinds of managers. If you go back to 2000 there was the passionate Englishman, in Kevin Keegan but he was deemed not good enough (by himself) and tactically naive (by everyone else). So in came Sven with his knowledge of European football, but the main criticism of Sven was he’d taken England as far as he could, 3 Quarter Finals. I can’t help wondering if in the near future we will look back on the Sven era as a glorious period in English football, up there with 1966 and 1990. Sven moved on and England were going to get Phil Scolari but he had a change of mind because he felt the British press would be too intrusive. I can’t believe that would have been the case. So then the FA had to choose between Steve McClaren, Alan Curbishley and Sam Allardyce, not what you would describe as rich pickings. In the end Steve McClaren got the nod, but he left after failing to take England to Euro 2008 and was nick-named ‘the wally with the brolly’ by the press. But he’s just won the Dutch league with FC Twente, so maybe just maybe he was as much let down by the players as he let them down. And now we have Fabio Capello, who after this tournament has been lambasted as someone who doesn’t know what he’s doing. Can this really be true of a man who has won 6 Serie A titles, 2 La ligas and a Champions League? (Harry Redknapp has 1 FA Cup to show for his 27yrs of management, if you’re interested).

It seems to me, the one consistent under all these managers is the players. I’m not Columbo but the evidence suggests they are not good enough. I know no one wants to admit to this but you can’t just ignore the evidence, unless you’re Jeremy Clarkson and the subject is Global Warming

Because England’s displays couldn’t just be due to them not being that good, journalists have reported that there had been factions and splits within the camp. It’s been alleged that John Terry resented the fact Steven Gerrard was captain and not him. If this was true, may I suggest it might have proved more productive if  John Terry had concentrated more on defending, then maybe Germany wouldn’t have scored straight from a goal kick. To be fair we will probably never know what went on in South Africa, well not until one of the players brings out an autobiography. I for one can’t wait to read the Steven Warnock story

Anyway, I didn’t want to end on too much of a downer, so I thought I’d look at the problems of another nation that was at the World Cup, because we all know no matter how bad you’re doing you can always take solace in the misery of others. So let’s look to Nigeria, where their President Goodluck Jonathan has banned their national team from playing International football for 2 years so things can be sorted after their poor showing at the World Cup. Can you imagine our government doing this? If they did, something tells David Cameron would leave the task of telling Fabio Capello, to his ‘deputy’ Nick Clegg

Til next time, stay safe!

A Pre-World Cup Special

June 2, 2010

over the rainbow

Hola, I hope you are all well.

I had a wasted day yesterday sitting by my phone waiting for Fabio to call and did he? Did he b*ll*cks, cheers for that Mr Capello.

Talking of which, apparently the reason the official announcement of the 23 man squad was delayed was because Fabio couldn’t get hold of all the players. It begs the question what were these players doing that was so important they couldn’t answer a phone call telling them whether they were going to the World Cup. If I were Fabio (and I’m not) I would have had a 3 missed calls and you’re out rule. Imagine if you missed the World Cup because you couldn’t be arsed to check your phone.

Having said that phoning people to tell them if they are in or out of the squad seems like an old-fashioned way of doing this. Surely this selection process is a TV show in the making. We know that TV likes two things, famous people and humiliation, so a TV programme where professional footballers are told their World Cup dreams are over is tailor-made for TV. Maybe the programme could take its lead from ‘Over the Rainbow’ (I didn’t watch honest) and the ones that miss out could take off their football boots before they get carried off in a half-moon. I’d watch.

It also appears that Fabio Capello is contemplating playing Lampard and Gerrard in a midfield two, if Gareth Barry doesn’t recover from his ankle injury. I can’t believe we are back talking about this, I thought it was an accepted view that this combination doesn’t work. What next, are we going to start re-stating the world is flat? Having said that, if the Tories and the Lib-Dems can get into bed together then maybe Lampard and Gerrard, can work.

Something else that seems to have also got plenty of column inches and air time, is whether people can put up England flags at work or on their work vans. I think these people should just get over it, if your boss says you can’t have a flag at work, just accept it. You’re an adult and it’s just a flag. Let me break it gently to you, you having a flag on your van (probably white) isn’t going to make England win.

 Away from England and Maradona has said his Argentina squad can have sex with their wives and girlfriends, but the women have to do all the work. You have to hand it to Maradona,(no pun intended) in this world of metrosexuals and back, crack and sacks, he’s like the last champion of the men’s rights movement. He’s the male equivalent to Germaine Greer.

And Finally… Due to my inability to plan ahead I will be a way when the World Cup starts, so I’m not sure at what point during the tournament I will do my first post. You can all rest easily however, as I’ve now printed a fixture list so there shouldn’t be any major clashes from this point forward.

Til next time, stay safe!

Back to the Future

May 21, 2010

paul ince

Hola. I hope you are all well. 

So much seems to have happened since the last time I posted, so I’ll just run through some of the things that caught my eye. 

Firstly, the inevitable happened at West Ham, Gianfranco Zola got the sack as manager. He took it with his usual good grace. It does appear that Zola is universally liked. If anyone wants to oppose this view and wants to slag him off, feel free to via the comments box. At the time of writing West Ham have yet to announce a new manager (although the world and its wife knows it’s going to be Avram Grant). What I would do if I was advising Paul Ince, is to tell him to go to Upton Park and pose with a West Ham shirt, prior to a new manager being appointed. I’m sure the West Ham fans would get the irony and laugh about it for years to come. 

Also since my last post, Fabio Capello announced his 30 man England squad. Jamie Carragher is back in the fold, having retired from International football in 2007. I wonder what persuaded him to come out of his self-imposed retirement, just before the World Cup. Paul Scholes on the other hand decided he’d stay retired despite being asked to come back. Instead he’ll be training children in America. I’ve got to be honest, I respect that kind of stubbornness, but on the downside, expect to see in a couple of years, American players, who can shoot, pass and score goals but are p*ss poor at tackling. At the time of writing there is no rumour that Capello tried to talk Bobby Charlton out of retirement. 

There was however strong speculation that Owen Hargreaves was going to be in the 30 man squad, that was until Mr Ferguson had a word with Fabio Capello, to put him right. I’m not surprised Mr Ferguson had a word. I’ve played as much Premiership football as Owen Hargreaves in the last year. (dunno if this is factually correct, I couldn’t be bothered to check Owen Hargreaves’ appearance record) 

Chelsea went on to complete the double, beating Portsmouth in the FA Cup Final. Like most right-minded people I was supporting Portsmouth, but if your two best players are ‘Cross Bar’ and ‘Post’ you’re probably going to struggle to win. 

Lord Triesman had to step down from his role at the FA, after he was recorded saying controversial things during a conversation with someone he believed to be a friend. I’ve got some sympathy for him, because if someone recorded some of the conversations I have with my friends, not only would I have to step down from the FA, I’d probably be facing legal action. That is why if I meet up with friends I insist that we are naked, this way I know they are not wired. It’s worked well so far, although we do get the odd strange look in pubs. 

And Finally… on my previous post ‘Sexy Football’ I mentioned how thinking about Emile Heskey during love-making, can keep guys going longer than they otherwise would. After reading it a friend emailed me and said,          Rory Delap does it for him, which I thought was a good use of call back to a previous subject I’d been talking about. 

That’s all from me. Til next time, stay safe!

Actions speak louder than words

April 9, 2010

kevin mcdonald

 Hola. I hope you are well.

So much seems to have happened since my last post, for example it was nice to see Mr Ferguson having something to celebrate this week, as the horse he co-owns ‘What a Friend’, won at a meet at Aintree (see here). I suppose after defeats this season at Anfield and Goodison, he was overdue a victory on Merseyside. It was also nice he could share his victory with his good pal and puppet Sam Allardyce. And who are Man Utd playing next in the title run-in, Blackburn Rovers, managed by a certain Sam Allardyce, ‘What a friend’ indeed.

Talking of  Big Sam , he’s apparently told Paul Robinson to ring Fabio Capello and ask him why he’s being ignored (see here). I can see a flaw in this plan, because if Fabio is truly ignoring Paul Robinson, he just won’t answer the call. I’ve known women like this. What Paul Robinson should do, if he’s reading this, is to ring Fabio from a friend’s phone and when Fabio picks up, he can announce himself, job done. If he’s short of friends willing to lend him their phone, apparently Ashley Cole has a spare.

There has been plenty of talk about the Champions League, what with Man Utd’s exit and Arsenal getting spanked by Barcelona and Messi. But I’d like to go back to the first leg game of Arsenal/Barcelona at the Emirates. At 2-0 to Barca, I switched over to watch the remainder of the match on my cursed TV (see previous blog ‘it was the curse of times’). Picture the scene, I’m sat on the sofa next to the other half, who is not that interested in football. Then Theo Walcott comes on as substitute, and because I have a bit of  a thing against Theo, I’m sat there slagging him off. At one point I said something along the lines of “he’s quick. but so is Usain Bolt and you don’t see him playing for Arsenal”. As I just finish this rant, who should pop and score, Theo ‘bloody’ Walcott, making me look a tit (more of a tit) in front of the missus. What makes it worse, is there’s not much she thinks I know about but football is one of those things, so thanks a lot Theo.

I suppose it could have been worse, last season I could have ridiculed a striker that missed a presentable chance by saying “my wife could have scored that”, only to see that exact same player score 2 goals against my team, leading to a 3-1 defeat. Hello cheeky cockney, Harry Redknapp, if you’re reading this.

And Finally… We all know actions speak louder than words, so congratulations to Kevin McDonald of Burnley who according to press reports went to the pub at half-time of the Man City game (see here). In his defence they were 5-0 down at the time and he did follow the game when he got to the pub. It must have worked as they drew the second half . Maybe just maybe, he’s stumbled across a master plan, take note Brian Laws.

Til Next Time, Stay Safe!

Bridge troubled over JT

February 26, 2010


Mmmmm £1.2m

Hola . I hope you are well. 

This is a historic day, as  Portsmouth become the first Premiership club ever to go into administration.  But seriously how can a Premiership club go into administration, what with all that money sloshing around? That must take some proper mis-management. That’s why I thought it was odd that Peter Storrie the Portsmouth chief executive chose this week to try to defend his £1:2m a year salary.  Firstly. if I was him I would have kept a low profile and secondly I’m no business expert but I reckon I could have taken Portsmouth into administration for a mere  £600 000 a year

Also the John Terry situation has moved on, mainly because Wayne Bridge has come out and said he won’t play in the same England team as John Terry. I understand why Wayne Bridge has done this but it seems like a lose-lose situation for him, he’s not going to the World Cup and John Terry has still boffed the mother of his child. I think purely out of fairness, Toni Terry should take one for the team, where Wayne Bridge is concerned. 

The guy I feel sorry fo in all this is Fabio Capello, it wasn’t long ago that everything seemed to be going to plan for him and the team. A few months on, he has no left back, Rio Ferdinand has back problems, no one seems to know who is the best keeper is, Glen Johnson has been out with a knee problem and Joe Cole hardly plays for Chelsea. Things have got so bad, that some people are calling for Bobby Zamora to be given a chance. 

Talking of Italian managers, Roberto Mancini is coming under pressure at Man City. I don’t think he has to worry just yet, he should wait til he gets the ‘dreaded vote of confidence’ or he sees Craig Bellamy walking towards him with a golf club. 

And Finally…On last week’s blog I questioned why Ashley Cole would need 2 phones, including a pay-as-you-go phone, suggesting it could be for unscrupulous reasons. Well I think I may have done him a disservice, I’ve thought about it and maybe he needed the second phone so he could take advantage of Orange Wednesdays, where you get a  2-4-1 deals on films at the cinema on Wednesdays. Or maybe he needs it to text women pictures of himself in his pants. Who knows??? 

Til Next time, stay safe!

A woman’s work is never done

February 10, 2010

Cheer up Avram

Hola. I hope you all are well.

Let’s start with John Terry, who since my last post has been removed as the England captain. I think Fabio Capello did it because he was tired of being followed by camera crews. They were at the airport at Switzerland after he had his knee op, where he refused to talk about the situation, they were at the airport when he landed in London. Did they think on the flight over he’d have changed his mind and decided to talk. If he wanted to be followed by camera crews, he would have married Jordan/Katie Price.

I do like the fact that the meeting with John Terry took, 12 mins. It seems quite a precise amount of time, which makes me think the FA have started employing someone to time such a scenario. If that had happened to me, the thing that would have annoyed me most about the shortness of the meeting is that I would  have had to get to Wembley, and then get back home again, all for 12mins. And I don’t drive so I would have had to take the tube or bus, which would have added to my annoyance. It’s probably a good job I’m not the England captain.

Talking of personal issues, crossing into the media, it was reported last week that Avram Grant was the Priemiership manager who visited a brothel. To me he doesn’t look the type, not that there is a type but I would have put money on Phil Brown (no disrespect Phil). Avram always seems to me to have that glum look, I don’t even think a woman playing with his penis would lift him out of his general gloom. (For legal reasons I must point out that in no way am I saying anyone has played with avram grant’s penis).

Congrats to Amy Fearne, who became the first woman to ref  a Championship match. She came on for the last 20mins of the Coventry v Nottingham Forest game after the original ref came off with a calf strain (pussy). I’ve heard a bit of sexist nonsense spoken about this (mainly on Talksport) but I think if she is good enough then I have no problem with her overseeing games. My only footnote is that her refereeing duties shouldn’t interfere with her duties as a wife/girlfriend, ie. the cooking, cleaning etc….

And Finally… New West Ham co-owner David Sullivan has come out and said he wants players, admin staff (and probably the tea ladies to take a 25% pay cut. I bet Mido is gutted, that would take his weekly pay packet to £750, if my GCSE Grade B maths is correct.                                    

Til next time, stay safe!