Posts Tagged ‘coleen rooney’

Hello Barack Obama

November 4, 2010

naniHola. Hope you are well.

I’m going to start this post by saying something that is a bit out there. I have some sympathy with Wayne Rooney, some not total sympathy. The reason being the way his pay rise has been reported. If you were to believe some sections of the media you would think Wayne Rooney was the poster boy for the Spending Review. Whether you think £250 000 a week is excessive for a footballer (it is), it’s not actually his fault the country finds itself in such a financial mess. Rooney is neither George Osbourne, nor is he an investment banker (insert your own jokes). Admittedly his pay rise didn’t come at the best of times, what with him being out of form, what with him now injured, also on the back of a bad World Cup, and on the back of alleged infidelity and on the back of the biggest crime of all eating Chicken Nuggets whilst holidaying with Coleen in Dubai.

Talking of Wayne and Coleen’s trip, it was reported that whilst out there Wayne didn’t watch the Stoke v Man Utd game. He got criticised in some quarters, but I think there are not many things us fans can relate to with top Premier League footballers, but on this we can. Because we know how hard it is when on holiday with the missus to sneak off to watch the football and that’s without the allegations of prostitutes hanging over us.

Not to make this all about Man Utd, but I feel I have to mention the Nani goal against Spurs. So for what it’s worth, this is make take on it. Nani dives in the box and then deliberately handles the ball but the ref Mark Clattenburg, for some reason chooses to ignore both these things. As Spurs are in possession he plays advantage, Gomes then puts the ball down as he thinks a free-kick must have been awarded only for Nani to tap into an open net. Maybe, I have an skewered view of what playing advantage is, but surely the opposition scoring against you isn’t much of an advantage. For me the worst part of the incident was Nani’s goal celebration, it was mainly the sticking out of his tongue that did it for me. If I had been a Spurs player it would have taken great restraint not to have knocked him out.

Moving away from Man Utd and on to me. I got given a Liverpool FC bin for my recent birthday. This did make me question whether it’s wise for club products to be so closely associated with rubbish. And before anyone says it, I know Liverpool have been rubbish this season. It did make me think of how I once bought a box of discounted England football condoms, I’m not sure what made them specifically linked to the England football team. I could make a joke about only getting so far before leaving you disappointed but I won’t. Feel free to let me know of any unlikely football merchandise you’ve got. (comment via the comments button, cheers)

Some sad news now, Paul the Octopus is dead. Obviously after his successful World Cup the fame must have gone to his head, he burnt the candle at both ends (if you can do that under water), he probably fell in with the wrong crowd, maybe hanging out with loose lady octopuses, that or he died of natural causes as Octopuses don’t live very long. You decide!

And Finally… It was nice to see Barack Obama is a reader of this blog, and he even commented on the previous blog post. It’s kind of him to take time out and do this, especially as I imagine he has more pressing things to deal with. And who could’ve known he’s taken such a keen interest in Kevin Davies’ career. There can’t be many like him out there.

Til next time, stay safe!



September 17, 2010

The Bodyguard


Hola. Hope you are well. 

On my last post I mentioned that I had a meeting that clashed with the England vs Bulgaria game. My plan was to surreptitiously listen to the game on my Walkman whilst pretending to pay attention to the meeting. Unfortunately it didn’t work out that way, as there was no way of doing this without getting noticed. Plus I had mentioned it on my blog prior to the meeting, which was probably not the best idea. Note to self, if you ever plan a bank raid don’t mention it on a public forum. Anyway back to my predicament, as the match was almost over by the time the meeting finished, my new plan was to go home and watch the highlights. Unfortunately this didn’t happen either, because when I got home the girlfriend was watching the film ‘The Bodyguard’, and as she seemed to be enjoying it, despite having seen it before, I decided not to mention the highlights. I did however get to see the goals on the news at 6am the next morning, so it wasn’t a total failure. 

Prior to the Switzerland game, there were allegations in a number of Sunday newspapers that Wayne Rooney had visited a £1200 a night prostitute, Jennifer Thompson, for four months. This made me think it must be confusing for any young Premiership footballers looking to spend their hard earnt cash. Because whereas Jennifer Thompson reportedly charges £1200 a night, Monica Mint allegedly charged Peter Crouch a little over £800 for a ‘sex act’. Who do you choose in these circumstances? This is why I’ve decided to launch a price comparison site for prostitutes. On it would be the services they offer, vital statistics, their USP and the prices they charge. I think it’s such a good idea I may offer it up to the Dragons on the next series of Dragons’ Den. I’d love to know what Duncan Bannatyne thinks of this idea. 

The rumours surrounding Wayne’s indiscretions (I think that’s what the broadsheets call it) meant there was talk he may not make the trip to play against Switzerland and instead he might go back home and sort things out with his wife Coleen. If I was him (and I’m not) the last place on earth I’d want to be at a time like this would be at home with the wife. In fact I’d want the next 6 months of games to be away games. 

Luckily Wayne saw sense and played against Switzerland, which was good news for me as I had him to score the first goal, which he duly obliged, netting me a whopping £5 (plus my £1:25 stake). Because I’m bonkers when it comes to money, I’ve already blown the lot.

I think I should draw a veil over the whole Rooney allegations or as Mr Ferguson put it before the Everton vs Man Utd game “Let’s put this to bed”, nice choice of words Sir Alex. The way I see it, I wasn’t there I don’t know what went on, plus it’s none of my business it’s between Wayne and Coleen to sort out. And let’s face it, every man in a relationship pays for sex, even if it’s just having to sit through The Bodyguard.

After the 2 England games there was speculation as to who would be the next England manager, as Fabio Capello had announced that he would step down after Euro 2010. And with the FA having previously said the next English manager would be English, the press were even keener than normal to speculate. Naturally cheeky chappy cockney manager Harry Redknapp threw his own hat into the ring early. I was going to start an anyone but Harry Redknapp campaign, that was until I learnt the other candidates high on the list were Steve Bruce and Sam Allardyce so now I’m going to say Good Luck as England manager Harry. 

And Finally… my favourite bit of the double-header was the fact that some Scotland fans booed the Liechtenstein national anthem. If you’re wondering why, it’s because the Liechtenstein national anthem has the same music as ‘God Save the Queen’ (but diff words). I have to applaud each and every Scottish fan that booed, I appreciate that level of bitterness. Oh and many congratulations on your historic victory in the game! 

Til next time, stay safe!