The Bodyguard


Hola. Hope you are well. 

On my last post I mentioned that I had a meeting that clashed with the England vs Bulgaria game. My plan was to surreptitiously listen to the game on my Walkman whilst pretending to pay attention to the meeting. Unfortunately it didn’t work out that way, as there was no way of doing this without getting noticed. Plus I had mentioned it on my blog prior to the meeting, which was probably not the best idea. Note to self, if you ever plan a bank raid don’t mention it on a public forum. Anyway back to my predicament, as the match was almost over by the time the meeting finished, my new plan was to go home and watch the highlights. Unfortunately this didn’t happen either, because when I got home the girlfriend was watching the film ‘The Bodyguard’, and as she seemed to be enjoying it, despite having seen it before, I decided not to mention the highlights. I did however get to see the goals on the news at 6am the next morning, so it wasn’t a total failure. 

Prior to the Switzerland game, there were allegations in a number of Sunday newspapers that Wayne Rooney had visited a £1200 a night prostitute, Jennifer Thompson, for four months. This made me think it must be confusing for any young Premiership footballers looking to spend their hard earnt cash. Because whereas Jennifer Thompson reportedly charges £1200 a night, Monica Mint allegedly charged Peter Crouch a little over £800 for a ‘sex act’. Who do you choose in these circumstances? This is why I’ve decided to launch a price comparison site for prostitutes. On it would be the services they offer, vital statistics, their USP and the prices they charge. I think it’s such a good idea I may offer it up to the Dragons on the next series of Dragons’ Den. I’d love to know what Duncan Bannatyne thinks of this idea. 

The rumours surrounding Wayne’s indiscretions (I think that’s what the broadsheets call it) meant there was talk he may not make the trip to play against Switzerland and instead he might go back home and sort things out with his wife Coleen. If I was him (and I’m not) the last place on earth I’d want to be at a time like this would be at home with the wife. In fact I’d want the next 6 months of games to be away games. 

Luckily Wayne saw sense and played against Switzerland, which was good news for me as I had him to score the first goal, which he duly obliged, netting me a whopping £5 (plus my £1:25 stake). Because I’m bonkers when it comes to money, I’ve already blown the lot.

I think I should draw a veil over the whole Rooney allegations or as Mr Ferguson put it before the Everton vs Man Utd game “Let’s put this to bed”, nice choice of words Sir Alex. The way I see it, I wasn’t there I don’t know what went on, plus it’s none of my business it’s between Wayne and Coleen to sort out. And let’s face it, every man in a relationship pays for sex, even if it’s just having to sit through The Bodyguard.

After the 2 England games there was speculation as to who would be the next England manager, as Fabio Capello had announced that he would step down after Euro 2010. And with the FA having previously said the next English manager would be English, the press were even keener than normal to speculate. Naturally cheeky chappy cockney manager Harry Redknapp threw his own hat into the ring early. I was going to start an anyone but Harry Redknapp campaign, that was until I learnt the other candidates high on the list were Steve Bruce and Sam Allardyce so now I’m going to say Good Luck as England manager Harry. 

And Finally… my favourite bit of the double-header was the fact that some Scotland fans booed the Liechtenstein national anthem. If you’re wondering why, it’s because the Liechtenstein national anthem has the same music as ‘God Save the Queen’ (but diff words). I have to applaud each and every Scottish fan that booed, I appreciate that level of bitterness. Oh and many congratulations on your historic victory in the game! 

Til next time, stay safe!


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