Archive for May, 2010

Back to the Future

May 21, 2010

paul ince

Hola. I hope you are all well. 

So much seems to have happened since the last time I posted, so I’ll just run through some of the things that caught my eye. 

Firstly, the inevitable happened at West Ham, Gianfranco Zola got the sack as manager. He took it with his usual good grace. It does appear that Zola is universally liked. If anyone wants to oppose this view and wants to slag him off, feel free to via the comments box. At the time of writing West Ham have yet to announce a new manager (although the world and its wife knows it’s going to be Avram Grant). What I would do if I was advising Paul Ince, is to tell him to go to Upton Park and pose with a West Ham shirt, prior to a new manager being appointed. I’m sure the West Ham fans would get the irony and laugh about it for years to come. 

Also since my last post, Fabio Capello announced his 30 man England squad. Jamie Carragher is back in the fold, having retired from International football in 2007. I wonder what persuaded him to come out of his self-imposed retirement, just before the World Cup. Paul Scholes on the other hand decided he’d stay retired despite being asked to come back. Instead he’ll be training children in America. I’ve got to be honest, I respect that kind of stubbornness, but on the downside, expect to see in a couple of years, American players, who can shoot, pass and score goals but are p*ss poor at tackling. At the time of writing there is no rumour that Capello tried to talk Bobby Charlton out of retirement. 

There was however strong speculation that Owen Hargreaves was going to be in the 30 man squad, that was until Mr Ferguson had a word with Fabio Capello, to put him right. I’m not surprised Mr Ferguson had a word. I’ve played as much Premiership football as Owen Hargreaves in the last year. (dunno if this is factually correct, I couldn’t be bothered to check Owen Hargreaves’ appearance record) 

Chelsea went on to complete the double, beating Portsmouth in the FA Cup Final. Like most right-minded people I was supporting Portsmouth, but if your two best players are ‘Cross Bar’ and ‘Post’ you’re probably going to struggle to win. 

Lord Triesman had to step down from his role at the FA, after he was recorded saying controversial things during a conversation with someone he believed to be a friend. I’ve got some sympathy for him, because if someone recorded some of the conversations I have with my friends, not only would I have to step down from the FA, I’d probably be facing legal action. That is why if I meet up with friends I insist that we are naked, this way I know they are not wired. It’s worked well so far, although we do get the odd strange look in pubs. 

And Finally… on my previous post ‘Sexy Football’ I mentioned how thinking about Emile Heskey during love-making, can keep guys going longer than they otherwise would. After reading it a friend emailed me and said,          Rory Delap does it for him, which I thought was a good use of call back to a previous subject I’d been talking about. 

That’s all from me. Til next time, stay safe!

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Sexy Football

May 7, 2010

emile heskey

Hola, hope you are all well.

There seems to be a real love-in between the media and cheeky chappy cockney manager Harry Redknapp especially now that Spurs have secured 4th spot in the Premiership. I was hoping Man City would have pipped Spurs, but it wasn’t to be. Something tells me City’s failure to get the 4th spot won’t affect their finances. I do think it would be funny if after all this fuss about who would finish 4th, Spurs got knocked out at the qualifying stages. That might be the ‘bitter me’ coming out.

The race for the Premiership title is still up for grabs, between Chelsea and Man Utd. (I won’t say I can’t see how Chelsea can lose it from here, for fear of jinxing it). Talking of Chelsea I watched their match against Liverpool. Which was a bit odd. Watching your own side and not wanting them to win goes against every natural instincts of a football fan. The only way I can describe it, is to suggest it’s like losing your wife’s ‘honour’  in a card game to someone you know. And with it being Chelsea, that would be someone you don’t even like. Then you have to watch, not in private but with the Sky TV cameras there. And just when you question whether they are going to go through with the deed, Steven Gerrard gives them a helping hand. The analogy may have got a little mixed up, but you get my point. Let me know if you’ve been put in a similar position, football wise, or if you’ve lost your wife in a card game.  There is some good news for Liverpool fans as Sky Sports News announced Martin Skrtel has resumed full training. This might turn the season around, which consists of a game away to Hull.

Since my last post Barcelona have crashed out of the Champions League at the hands of Inter Milan. I can’t help thinking if Barcelona had Rory Delap in their team, they would have gone through. Don’t forget you can still vote on who you think is more influential to their team, Rory Delap or Lionel Messi. scroll down to poll.

And Finally… I saw an article that claimed that thinking about Emile Heskey during sex can prolong the process (see here) This offers up more questions than it answers, for example, who actually uses this method? Or, has anyone asked you for the purposes of a survey how you prolong ejaculating? Or, does Emile Heskey use this method (feel free to let us know if you’re reading this, Emile)? So next time you feel you’re about to finish before satisfying your other half, start chanting Emile Heskey’s name. It probably won’t prolong things but you’ll have fun answering awkward questions afterwards. 

Til next time, stay safe!