Mystic Julian

Hola. Hope you are well.

On my last post I invited Premiership football clubs to contact me, so I could prove I could make 100 successful tackles in the upcoming season. It’s been a bit quiet on that front, when I say quiet I mean non-existent. But not to worry I am now holding out for an International call up. The rate the players are retiring, I may just have a chance.

Sun August 8th 2010 was a particularly sad day for English football as both England’s 5th/6th choice keeper Paul Robinson and ginger haired black man, Wes Brown, retired on this day. I thought the Queen should have announced 7 days of mourning on hearing the news. From my understanding, Wes Brown retired because he wants to stay fit for Man Utd, which is fair enough when you consider his injury record. It seems Paul Robinson quit out of spite. Having previously been ‘snubbed’ by Fabio Capello, he waited until he was called up for the Hungary game before announcing his retirement. In relationship terms, it is the classic, person gets dumped, then they spend all their time and effort getting back with that person, they get back together with the sole intention of dumping the original dumper.

If anyone is unsure as to the score of the Hungary game, England won 2-1. I only mention this because the game got over shadowed by Fabio mentioning in an interview that David Beckham had played his last game for England. The only problem was that it seemed Fabio hadn’t told David first. In relationship terms, this is like getting a friend to tell the person you’re going out with that they are dumped. The only difference is, in this scenario the friend happens to be a national TV station watched by millions and the dumpee is David Beckham.

Talking of relationships, Peter Crouch’s could be in trouble after he was linked with a Spanish teenage prostitute, Monica Mint  (see here). Teenage prostitute that’s  two words you don’t want attached to your name. I imagine when Monica was born, her parents hoped she’d become a doctor, a lawyer or maybe even run the country, little did they know 19 years later she would be described in newspapers around the world as a ‘teenage prostitute’. It was alleged that he paid her over £800 to perform a sex act. £800??? I’m quite clearly in the wrong industry. Although if I was a male prostitute (and I’m not) I wouldn’t get any footballers as clients, because we all know there are no gay footballers. This figure of £800 did make me wonder if she was paying any tax on her earnings, and if so what can she claim back as a legitimate business expense, handcuffs, whips, condoms? It’s small talk like this why I don’t visit prostitutes, that and the girlfriend.

In other relationship/football news Craig Bellamy has said Roberto Mancini has not spoken to him since February. That is some committment to the cause by Roberto. Let me know of any silent treatment stories you’ve been involved in. What’s the longest fall out you’ve had with friends, partners and relatives etc… Feel free to tell us via the comments button.

And Finally… In my attempt to come more famous than an octopus I’ve tried to predict the positions for the upcoming Premiership season. I did this with a highly scientific method, I wrote all the Premiership teams on strips of paper and put in one bowl, and wrote out the numbers 1-20 and put in another bowl. And because I didn’t want to be accused of sabotage I got my girlfriend to pick from the two bowls. (who said romance was dead).

These are the positions the teams will finish in the 2010-11 season :

20) Tottenham

19) Wigan

18) Everton

17) Bolton

16) West Brom

15) Blackpool

14) Arsenal

13) Man City

12) Fulham

11) Birmingham City

10) Aston Villa

9) Wolves

8) Blackburn

7) West Ham

6) Man Utd

5) Chelsea

4) Sunderland

3) Liverpool

2) Newcastle

1) STOKE CITY

So according to my predictions Stoke City are going to win the Premiership this season, who would have thought that? Let me know if you think any of the teams will finish in the position they were drawn out in. We will consult this list at the end of the season.

Til next time stay safe!

Tags: craig bellamy, david beckham, fabio capello, monica mint, paul robinson, peter crouch, roberto mancini, stoke city, wes brown